If ?

After the previous useless post, think it's time for a meaningful post.. it's not meaningful though, just a more serious and my random expression..

17 of April 2009. It's the day that the matriculation application's result was out. early in the morning, i was waken up by dad and mum, asking me to check my result. i replied them that nothing to be rush, i will check later. but dad couldn't wait as his friend's daughter had been selected. so he asked my bro to check for me. i knew that bro was checking for me that time, i lied on bed, having a confuse mind. i thought that i would get it, but then told myself nothing was sure plus chinese has less chance. few minutes past, nothing happened. dad came in, asked me go and see. the moment i saw the computer screen, i saw something like please berdaftar at 22 may 2009, din't know why my mind had the phrase. i thought my application was successful. but, after seeing it again. it meant the keputusan rayuan will be out at 22 may 2009. my application failed and bro click rayuan for me. cold and speechless. went back to my bed, closed my eyes. still like couldn't accept the truth. my mind was then full of question marks with my future. i will be going to form6, spending two years for stpm then apply for ipta, finally out for working. 2010 or 19 for stpm, 2011 or 20 go into uni, 2014 or 23 working. gosh. i'm already so old like that. if my stpm sucks, i will be studying course that i don't like or end up getting into private uni. really can't think further for it. the worser the further. yesterday went to swinburne for whole day, becoming a fake one-day-college-student. i'd got the thought that why i need to be so persistant, choosing the road that is full of fallen leaves. i can be like my friends, who are already starting their uni life now. i can then no need to waste my time, waiting for all those uncertain things. i can just enroll and go study together with my bro and friends, having lunch together, rushing assignment together, going class together, laugh together, etc. but now it's all too late. i'd chosen the option. now just face it. no more "IF".


good luck. i love you all.